The Anti-Compliment Movement

Have you ever noticed the fastest way to learn about something or someone is to give a compliment? It’s also the fastest way to walk into a conversation you never wanted to have and learn way too much about something you never wanted to know.

While working at Starbucks one day, a lady came up to the counter, I took her order and rang it up with the usual semi-formal conversation:

“So how’s your day going?”

“Well, thanks, and how about you?”

“Good, thanks, that’ll be $5.49”

Then there’s the obnoxiously awkward pause as she digs through her purse to get her wallet, then digs through her wallet to get her money, which she just can’t seem to find.

Trying to break the silence and hide my annoyance with her, I noticed that her wallet was kind of cute, so I said, “Hey that’s a really cute wallet.”

I expected her to say thank you, and then pay me for her order and we’d all move on with our lives.

Instead, she took it as an opportunity to give me the full run down of everything that was in her wallet, pointing out just how many different spaces there was to keep everything organized.

I had honestly had more bizarre things happen at work, so I tried to rush this along and wipe the deer in the headlights look off my face as she finally handed some money.

“Wow, that’s pretty awesome.” I said as I took the money, gave her the change and tried to look over her shoulder at the next person in line.

Completely oblivious to any social cues and clearly overlooking my lack of interest, she continues her tour-of-my-super-organized-accessories as she puts the wallet into her purse.

“You know, if this wallet had a place for all my pills, I wouldn’t even need this purse. I actually almost got the purse that matched the wallet but it was bigger than this one and, well, this one is just so perfect. See,” she puts the wallet in the first compartment, zips it shut and proceeds to open the next section of her purse, “my wallet fits perfectly in that front section and in this one I keep my tissues and pens and lipstick; you know, the essentials. And this one here,” she opens the back compartment of her purse, “is, of course where I keep all of my emergency supplies like my pills and what not.”

I wouldn't have been surprised if she pulled out a freaking schematic and gave me a copy.

At this point I’m pretty sure the look on my face said, “Whoa lady, all I said was cute wallet!” I would have just said that out loud but the fact that it just kept flowing out of her mouth one thing after another after another after another about all the dumb crap she keeps in her purse and exactly where she keeps it, rendered me completely speechless.

As she puts her purse on her shoulder and begins to back away from the counter, practically backing into the next customer in line, she begins a whole new tangent; “You know my doctor says I should really switch the shoulder I carry my purse on, you know, because it puts so much strain on one side. But I’ve just always carried it on this side for so many years!”

Holy crap, lady, shut the hell up! Your drink’s been ready for like an hour! Go get it!


And then there are those people who take your compliment as an open door to just violate all kinds of social rules of personal space and boundaries.

There was a regular customer at Starbucks who was a great lady. She was older and always talked about her kids and grandkids, where they lived, when they’d visit. She was always very pleasant and I looked forward to seeing her several times a week.

So when she came in one early afternoon, my co-worker and I gladly joined in conversation with her about how lovely the day was and how we couldn’t wait to get off work and enjoy the weather. You know, typical conversation.

Then, in what was to be rendered her poorest judgment yet, my co-worker complimented the customer’s perfume.

“Oh! Thank you! It’s Gardenia!”

As she rambled on and on to my co-worker, I tried to keep a smile on my face while having an entire inner dialogue that went something like, “Oh sweet Lord, I hate that scent. It smells like old lady farts and gives me an instant headache. Plus it reminds me of my ex-fiancé’s mom and that’s just never good.”

All of the sudden I look over at my co-worker, who has a horrified look on her face, and see the old lady with a bottle of perfume she had taken out of her purse, holding it in the air, and as if in slow motion, I watch her finger pump the perfume right onto my co-worker.

The lady picks up her drink and leaves, probably delightfully thinking she just blessed the world with one more Gardenia scented fan.

“She just sprayed her perfume on me. She just pulled it out of her purse and sprayed me! She didn’t even ask; she just sprayed me!” My co-worker was mortified.

Who does that?!

People you give compliments to, that’s who. And because of that one, unfortunate compliment, we went the rest of the day reeking of old lady farts.


What’s the moral of the story, kids? Don’t give compliments. There’s a reason why people aren’t nice.