This year I resolve ...
... to laugh as hard and as often as I can, untill it becomes contageous.
... to brighten someones day, every day.
... to cry as hard and as long as it takes to walk through the pain, into a better day.
... to smile all the time, just because I can.
... to have fun in every circumstance and situation.
... to love in every way possible, and then some.
... to walk through the mountains and valleys of life with my best friends, carrying their burdens and they carry mine.
... to leave a legacy for my family of a compassion and strength that can only come f rom God alone.
... to display my life for the world to see; learning from my mistakes, accepting help in my struggles, and celebrating my successes.
... this year I choose to be happy.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
A Continuation of Emotional Displays
I was wrong. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t consider what the cost of meeting you there would be. No, even that is not true. I knew the cost… and the consequence. Mankind does such desperate things. Who can really comprehend?
And so I sit, again, with my head in my hands. I am fully acquainted with this moment. It seems I relive it every so often, as if to ensure that it never be forgotten. A bitter angst rises up and I say so much that I don’t mean. But your words, your words pierce so much deeper than mine. “Just promise me something…” You don’t know how much you ask of me.
You’re right; the reality of what was, is something that never should have been. And so I quietly walk away, tip toeing through the shattered pieces. Life will continue at a pace much faster than my heart can beat. But it matters not, as I am the one who watches out for me, the only one who guards my heart. How very foolish I have been to let it out of my sight, if even for a moment.
And so I sit, again, with my head in my hands. I am fully acquainted with this moment. It seems I relive it every so often, as if to ensure that it never be forgotten. A bitter angst rises up and I say so much that I don’t mean. But your words, your words pierce so much deeper than mine. “Just promise me something…” You don’t know how much you ask of me.
You’re right; the reality of what was, is something that never should have been. And so I quietly walk away, tip toeing through the shattered pieces. Life will continue at a pace much faster than my heart can beat. But it matters not, as I am the one who watches out for me, the only one who guards my heart. How very foolish I have been to let it out of my sight, if even for a moment.
Emotional Displays
It's here, in the mid of night when all else is quieted by darkness, that I find who I am. My body is calmed by a tired angst, leaving my mind to explore the bounds of a restless apprehension by which I find no other escape than words.
Mere words to you; an art, an expression of one's soul, to me. I do not expect you to understand any more than I would a deaf person to hear. But this once, I will call upon the deaf ear to listen, the blind eye to see; see who I am and strive to comprehend. To view as through a magnifying lens, a microscope that takes you deep beyond the surface of me.
I will only ask this of you once and I will not beg. I just genuinely desire you to know who I am. And then I will return; invisible to your hurried rush of chaos. I will not seek your attention otherwise unless you so willingly ask it of me. And I long to do like wise.
Meet me here in this junction of brokenness, this moment of honest vulnerability. I am ready.
Mere words to you; an art, an expression of one's soul, to me. I do not expect you to understand any more than I would a deaf person to hear. But this once, I will call upon the deaf ear to listen, the blind eye to see; see who I am and strive to comprehend. To view as through a magnifying lens, a microscope that takes you deep beyond the surface of me.
I will only ask this of you once and I will not beg. I just genuinely desire you to know who I am. And then I will return; invisible to your hurried rush of chaos. I will not seek your attention otherwise unless you so willingly ask it of me. And I long to do like wise.
Meet me here in this junction of brokenness, this moment of honest vulnerability. I am ready.
Fresh Perspective
I laid on my back in the middle of the living room floor the other day. I needed a fresh perspective; not on my living room so much as my life. As time would have it, I will be turning 25 next month. In about three weeks from now I will have been alive for a quarter of a century.
If you had asked me five years ago where I thought I’d be in five years from that point, I would have confidently answered that I would have my BA in English, be married and starting a family. Ah, the foolish confidence of young dreams. Where did I go wrong? How is it that I now find myself back at the beginning? These are the questions haunt me to the depths of my being. I must admit, things do look different when you view them from the floor. I’ve never stared at the ceiling for so long a time. That’s about all I gained from it though; just a new found appreciation for my ceiling.
Consequently, I have discovered that classical music is one of very few things that can actual calm my mind and still the seemingly constant chaotic rush of thought inside my brain. I close my eyes and for a moment things make sense, I make sense.
If you had asked me five years ago where I thought I’d be in five years from that point, I would have confidently answered that I would have my BA in English, be married and starting a family. Ah, the foolish confidence of young dreams. Where did I go wrong? How is it that I now find myself back at the beginning? These are the questions haunt me to the depths of my being. I must admit, things do look different when you view them from the floor. I’ve never stared at the ceiling for so long a time. That’s about all I gained from it though; just a new found appreciation for my ceiling.
Consequently, I have discovered that classical music is one of very few things that can actual calm my mind and still the seemingly constant chaotic rush of thought inside my brain. I close my eyes and for a moment things make sense, I make sense.
Broken Places
What do you do when the world stops you dead in your tracks?
Dead? No, no, I am much more alive now.
Please pardon my momentary lapse in judgment,
I am made of earthly dust you know, like you,
Don’t forget who you are, we all stumble,
We all parade our foolish ways.
Awake and breathing
Heavy, I can’t shake the thought of you,
My heart quakes
At how much you’ve changed,
Pick me up from yesterday
And I’ll say it all over again.
The world circles in ways unknown,
Nothing’s new but nothing’s the same,
My own face seems unfamiliar,
Remind me of who I am,
Find me waiting in the broken places.
“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are stronger at the broken places.”
- Ernest Hemingway
Dead? No, no, I am much more alive now.
Please pardon my momentary lapse in judgment,
I am made of earthly dust you know, like you,
Don’t forget who you are, we all stumble,
We all parade our foolish ways.
Awake and breathing
Heavy, I can’t shake the thought of you,
My heart quakes
At how much you’ve changed,
Pick me up from yesterday
And I’ll say it all over again.
The world circles in ways unknown,
Nothing’s new but nothing’s the same,
My own face seems unfamiliar,
Remind me of who I am,
Find me waiting in the broken places.
“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are stronger at the broken places.”
- Ernest Hemingway
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