Random Thoughts and Ponderings… Installment #1.

It’s ironic and completely subconscious that Starbucks is the most (and only) California thing about Flo-Town, Orgs. And I now work at Stars.

I get really motivated at night. I think up all these things that I should do and really want to do. But by the time I get motivated to do them, it’s way too late. So I think “I am SO doing that tomorrow”. Then I wake up and am totally NOT motivated. So I don’t do it. Then night comes and I’m like “OMG! I didn’t do that but I’m SOOOO gonna do it now.” But I don’t, because again, it’s too late. So I think I’ll def do it tomorrow… and on and on it goes.

My newly authorized litmus test for guys I date is “is he willing to move to Los Angeles, Cali?” and “would I actually want to take him back to Cali with me?” Second question is key.

I make myself laugh…. Pretty much all the time. If you can make me laugh, you’re in.
I don’t really know what “you’re in” means. I think it just means that we’re cool. Which is basically like saying that we’re friends and I think you are neat.

Did I mention that I make myself laugh?

I have a very eclectic taste in music. I can listen to rap, hip-hop, R&B, rock, pop, country, and so on. The only music I can’t stand is heavy metal, with a few rare exceptions, and pretty much all 80’s music. So 80’s heavy metal is out of the question all together. I’d rather die a slow and painfully excruciating death than listen to that crap. And that is due, in most part, to a few misfortunate relationships gone terribly wrong.

I am constantly amazed that my life has any impact on people whatsoever.

I have all these subconscious anxiety traits that, when looked at holistically, kind of concern me, which actually makes the whole issue worse. Like, I constantly catch myself holding my breath and tensing my shoulder and neck muscles… for no apparent reason. I have to remind myself to breath. I also clench my jaw and grit my teeth. Oh, and I bite my lower lip all the time.

Sometimes I hate that certain songs are forever tied to very specific memories. There are the few that stop me in my tracks to this day and my heart drops every time. I hate it.

When I was little, living in the central valley of California, I would dream of living in So Cal on the beach. It was like one of those dreams you think will never come true but you think about it every now and again anyway. Then I ended up moving there when I was sixteen. I thrived in Los Angeles. I became who I am in that great city. I had to move away to realize just how deeply I was defined by the culture of So Cal. I cherish every moment of it, good and bad.

I don’t sleep very well in Orgs. I don’t know why but I stay up all night and still wake up at the same time every morning. I stay in bed unless I have to get up for something… but I’m awake nonetheless. It’s weird and I don’t like it.

There is an angry lady who comes to Starbucks almost every day and tells me that I am a “fool for moving here”. Really, she doesn’t need to convince me that leaving So Cal for Flo-Town is like a monumental mistake, using standard, human logic. I finally had a heart to heart with her and said that although it’s lame in comparison, I’m glad that I left LA and that I’m here now. Although I won’t stay forever, and can’t wait to return to LA, it was the best move I could ever have made. I’m good friends with the angry lady now.

Remember how I said that I get motivated at night? That is one thing I miss from LA more than anything – you can do anything at any time. So when I get motivated to go jogging and it’s like 11pm, I can go down to the Strand and jog with all the other late night, beach side joggers. But not in Orgs, no way. I’d get mauled by bears or something. So I put off that motivation until morning, at which point I am no longer motivated, so I don’t jog, at all. And I become another Oregon fat abs.

Did I just say “another Oregon fat abs”? I tend to be highly offensive. That’s another little tid bit about me.

I am also laughing out loud at myself right now. I have a marred sense of humor and make jokes mostly just to amuse myself. It works for me. Oh, and for the life of me, I can’t figure out how to correctly spell the word “marred”. If you can help me out, I’d appreciate that.

I can’t spell. Seriously, I suck at it. And I used to hate when I was little and I would ask someone how to spell something and they respond with “look it up”. Seriously? How am I supposed to look up a word that I can’t spell? I didn’t ask you for a definition, I asked for the spelling !!!

If I could only do one thing for the rest of my life, I would choose laughing. I love to laugh more than anything else in the world.