The Rambling, Part Two

I never thought that I could learn so much, from the most random places, people and situations, in the course of a single day. Sometimes it’s like God just embodies every person I come across and screams in my face, “CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?!” And it’s so obvious and bizarre that it makes me laugh out loud. Seriously, at the end of the day, I find myself sitting alone in my living room, laughing out loud.

I sat in a fireworks booth for four hours this morning doing pretty much nothing, which at face value seems like a monumental waste of time. And yet, I totally enjoyed myself. I loved sitting there with a random mix of people; some I knew well, some I just met today. We talked about everything; the weather, city politics, news, illegal fireworks, the vacations we’re taking this summer. A reporter from the Daily Breeze showed up. She was trying to find out if some comment the governor (or was it the president?) made about fireworks was impacting the sales. She tried to interview a few of the customers but most refused to talk to her, which I thought was funny in and of itself. She talked to us for a while before heading off to another fireworks stand. As soon as she left, we got the low down from the Chamber of Commerce president on who she was. That Chamber lady knows everyone, it’s awesome. I found myself totally envying that reporter. Not that I want to be a reporter by any means, but anyone who gets paid to write is pretty high up on my list of people I envy.

I don’t know why I told you about any of that because it’s not even the most random part of my day, as I was alluding to earlier. I could go back and delete that whole paragraph because, well, it’s pretty pointless. But I’m not going to do that because I plan on titling this “The Rambling, part two” and, well, what good would that be if I didn’t ramble?

So there I was, sitting at the bar…

(I have always wanted to start a story that way. I can’t believe my moment has finally come!)

No really, there I was, sitting at the bar. Well, actually, I was sitting at a table adjacent to the bar and some random guy was sitting at the bar with his back to me. I noticed him when I first sat down because the back of his hair came to a point at his neck and it reminded me of someone else I know and I kind of thought it was him but it turns out it wasn’t. As it was, I paid little attention to the guy because he had gray hair and was wearing a suit jacket with jeans and flip flops. Okay I’ll be honest, the suit jacket, jeans and flip flops means nothing. It was the gray hair that did him in. What can I say, I’m 26!

My friend and I were the only other people in the bar at this point so it was inevitable that the three of us would end up in at least a casual conversation. An hour and four rounds later, we’re engaged in a lean-forward-gather-round-we’re-becoming-best-friends-conversation that quite frankly, I don’t think any one of us would ever have anticipated had we been told a head of time that this would happen. For months I have been wrestling with questions that he seemed to have all the answers to. Right there in the bar was some random guy with all the right answers to all my tough questions. We laughed, we cried and I’m sure at some point I drooled over his seemingly intense wisdom. Okay I didn’t cry and I don’t think I actually drooled, but either response would have been appropriate, I’m sure.

This amazing moment, this incredible collision of paths crossing and lives being shared in such a pure and authentic way, this jaw dropping, wisdom sharing, insight finding moment was completely ruined when Mr. Random shifted his attention from insight into life, to insight into my pants. All of the sudden it was, here’s my number, can I get you’re number, you’re amazingly attractive, do you think I’m attractive, let’s have coffee, let’s get a drink, when can I see you again? Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow your roll buddy.

Did I mention the gray hair!? My friend quickly intercepted and we bolted. Phew! Got out of that one alive.

Although Mr. Random was a little too random for my taste, I was able to hold on to what little wisdom he was able to spew out before falling pray to whatever it is all single men in LA fall pray to that makes them turn into complete morons (yes, harsh, I know). I have taken those words of wisdom and put them into a little compilation I like to call “Words of Wisdom by Mr. Random” (If you’re thinking “Deep Thoughts” by Jack Handley, I love you.)

A-hem. Cough. Cough. Like I was saying…….

Words of Wisdom by Mr. Random

(Hold on. I think I set this up all wrong because now you’re all waiting for more of my witty, sarcastic, painfully harsh humor and you’re going to take everything I’m about to say the wrong way. So let me back up and say that although this guy, now called Mr. Random, ended up on my “you’re total a duce bag” list, he didn’t start out that way and I’m thinking that his fourth glass of wine probably contributed to his unfortunate decline from Mr. Wisdom to Mr. Random. So with that said… I continue.)

Words of Wisdom by Mr. Random

“At any given time you can walk into a bar, see ten guys lined up and find maybe one who has the qualities you’re looking for. Or maybe none of them do. And if that’s the case, who cares? Move on. It’s not worth it.”

He went on to ask me what it is I’m looking for in a guy. I threw out a few noble characteristics; intelligent, responsible, grounded. He interrupted, “No you’re not. Women don’t go for that. Why is it that women always go for the bad ass, motorcycle riding guys who break their hearts? “I had to laugh at the irony of that statement. So I did. I laughed.

He continued, “Seriously, tell me about the guy you dated last.” I laughed even more when I had to tell him the truth, “Well, he’s a bad ass motorcycle rider who broke my heart.”

“See. I told you so!”

Thank you. Thank you, Captain Obvious!

How do even complete strangers know I’m an idiot when it comes to dating?

Anyway, I know that this guy said much more that I’d love to share with you but I was just distracted by a receipt that fell out of my bag with something scribbled in ball point pen, “Lane 949-232-….” And I’m reminded that Mr. Random, or Captain Obvious, or Mr. Wisdom, or whoever he was, has a name and it’s Lane. Actually, it’s Lanan or something like that, but he said to call him Lane. Which is humorous because when he first said it, I thought he said “lame”. Sure buddy, I’ll call you lame anytime.

Looking back in all that I have rambled on about, I realize that I started out telling you that I learned a ton of stuff in the most random ways and from the most random people today, and I didn’t really end up tell you much of what that incredible stuff was. And I don’t think I’m going to, because in all honesty, I’m still wrestling with the profound implications of it all. But if you just stop, and listen, tone down the ego and really listen, you’ll hear it.

At least, that’s what Mr. Random told me.