My habits are not the cleanest. Sometimes I cuss, sometimes I drink and smoke and party too hard. My past is a colorful collage of foolish mistakes. I'm a typical girl. I get moody, emotional, restless, prissy, fussy and picky. I will come out swinging, ready for a fight. Sometimes I'm super shy and overly quiet; so much at times it seems I'm a snob. Or I'm loud and obnoxious, seemingly arrogant and confident. It's all just a cover for my many insecurities. I get angry when I'm hurt and am almost always first to point the finger, mostly to divert attention away from myself. If I'm happy, you'll know it. If I'm sad, you'll see it. When I'm scared, I become stoic and you'll think it's a mystery, how to figure me out. My mind is complicated, my heart even more. Every day I learn something new about myself. My expectations are far too high, for myself and for you. I don't have much discipline. I can be lazy and apathetic.
Yet, I have hope that my life has not been wasted. The mistakes, the screw ups, the many times I have fallen have taught me valuable lessons; ones I try to pass on to anyone who can relate. My experiences have molded me into who I am; they have made me stronger. I fight with passion, but I love with more. I am slowly learning to be me, without the facades, without the images that I think you want to see. I haven't always felt so free, but I'm getting there. I love it when someone knows me well enough to call me out on my own stubborn stupidity. I've come to realize that if I can be me and that's ok, then you can be you and we can be beautifully broken together. I need someone to push me; someone who believes in all that I am and can be; someone who won't quit on me, no matter how lame I am.
Let me warn you: I will have bad days. I will make you mad. I will hurt you unknowingly and not understand. I will push you to be everything you are capable of being. I will believe in you to no end. I will love you for all that you are and all that you are not. I will laugh with you. I will cry with you. And I will most definitely fight with you. If you think you can handle me, you are probably wrong. But as long as you're okay with that, then so am I. At the end of the day, I want no more than you do… to be loved at my worst.
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