They rush in and out so quickly - a staunch contrast to my passive watching. I wonder if they are happy. Do they like where they are at in life? Do they feel a hallowed loneliness? Or are they in love with the life they have? And how did they get there?
I sat behind this guy in the coffee shop today. But before I settled in that seat I noticed him watching me as I came in; noticed him watching every girl that came in, actually. I quickly scanned the shop for an empty table and as my luck would have it, the only available place was a table right next to his. I waited around awkwardly for my drink, hoping someone would leave before I had to sit next to him. But no one budged. So I took it; I turned the seat just enough so I was facing away from him. It didnt help. Finally the couple sitting behind him left and I raced to their table. Not much for a smooth transition, but I didnt seem to care at the time.
Sitting more comfortably at the back table, something about him caught my attention. He was a clean cut, business looking man sitting there with his lap top, talking on his cell phone. He spoke loudly in the phone about this report and that report and the stupid girl at the front office. I noticed his black slacks didnt match well with his brown dress shoes, although they were nicely polished. And his white button up shirt and burgundy pull over sweater made him seem older than Im sure he really was. He kept fidgeting and looking over his shoulder, staring out the window as if waiting for something that never came.
I had just about managed to pull my focus away from him when he began a new conversation on the phone, this time with what I can only assume was his wife or maybe a girlfriend. It wasnt too hard to tell that the person on the other side of the phone was upset. He kept talking about business and how it would always be there. Then he said something that has been stuck in my head ever since. He said, "You know, right now Im the black sheep at the office because Im not working 50 to 60 hours a week, ok?" Apparently he didnt get the response he was looking for because shortly thereafter he said I have to go and hung up the phone. He sat there shaking his head for a minute and then picked up the phone again. "Well talk about this later, ok?"
It made me sad to sit there and witness this random guy totally struggling; obviously torn between a job that took all he had and a girl who needed more. Its a battle we fight in this life and I couldnt help but sit there and wonder how any of us ever make it through.
I think you just have to get to a point when you realize that its what you want, despite the things that come along with it. You find at the deepest depths of your heart, a longing and love for another person that is there no matter what. And then its not so hard to love, to trust. Because you know they really will be there at the end of the day, when the smoke clears. Its who you want thats all it is.
No comments:
Post a Comment