How To Keep A Man

I looked up the word “insecure” in the online Merriam-Webster dictionary and positioned right between the word “insecure” and the definition thereof, was a sponsored link that read “Insecurity – Learn how to keep a man with these 11 great steps!”

They really didn’t need to define it any further. I don’t know why they wasted space trying to write out an actual definition after that ad.

What is wrong with this world? That was the Merriam-Webster online dictionary. It wasn’t like some random, no name online freakasoid trying to build his own dictionary.

If you ever wonder what is wrong with all the female pop stars gone bad, just open your eyes and look around. I have heard far too many people ask ‘what happened to her, she started off so sweet and innocent’. Then they get accused of ‘selling out’.

What do you except from someone born out of this society? It happens every day to us normal girls. I can only imagine how much more pressure is added when celebrity becomes a factor.

Women are constantly told that to truly mean something, they need to have a man. A man brings security. A man makes you valuable. A man makes you more of a woman. You are less of a woman without a man. And the world knows it and is watching.

I mean, what are we supposed to do when our daddies weren’t there for us and we live in a society that tells us we need to drop twenty pounds and push up our boobs in order to get a little attention?

You argue ‘No, no that’s not true’ and yet I have a lifetime of experience that tells me otherwise. I can get more attention in a mini skirt and lip stick than holding a Bible and singing ‘Jesus Loves Me’.

You say ‘Oh but that’s not the kind of attention you really want.’

Of course not. No one wants that kind of attention. But when it’s the only attention you can get because there are far too little good guys giving good attention, you take what you can get.

If you think its sad then you should do something about it. Stupid boys.

And don’t get me started on the “Happily Ever After” endings. Its total bullshit but we are fed that crap every day of our lives. It’s a pathetic fallacy really.

That’s why I appreciated the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You”. Everyone’s happily ever after ending was different. Yes, for some it was the typical wedding that leads to a lifelong loving marriage. But for some it was simply moving forward, becoming something brilliant, growing, developing. Happily ever after doesn’t always have to end in a marriage vow.

I am a single, 27 year old female and do you know what the number one question I get all the time is? It’s not about what career I am working towards or what I like to do in my spare time or what I’m doing in school. It is always about getting married.

My favorite line is when they ask me if I want to get married. Like, because I’m 27 and still single I must not want to. It’s a logical assumption given this society’s standards.

So I excuse their good-hearted ignorance, swallow my aching heart, and explain that yes, I would love to get married but at this point in time the opportunity has not presented itself in acceptable circumstances. Which basically means that I would much rather focus on my own goals and ambitions than settle for any man I have met thus far.

I know that sounds all strong and girl-power-ish, but make no mistake it is not what I had envisioned for my life at this point. It has been a long, disappointing journey.

But I am learning somehow to enjoy the small things along the way and to live in each moment as I become who I am. I can appreciate my experiences for what they have brought out in me, for what they have changed in me, and for the lessons they have taught me.

I can appreciate now the stories my life tells, the way they allow me to be more sympathetic to other’s trials and pains, the way I can offer inspiration in other’s times of darkness. It offers them hope. It offers me hope.

And for the fact that I can glance over an ad like “Insecurities – Learn how to keep a man with these 11 great steps” and laugh at how ridiculous it is, I am grateful.