I was reminded today of the impact I have on other people. That's not meant to be an arrogant statement by any means. Sometimes, like today, I wish I had no affect on anyone at all. For the past couple of days I've been sick, which means I've probably been in a less than attractive mood and feeling overly sorry for myself. Add to that already negative state, the added pressure of trying to taking sick days without really taking sick days. The level of phone calls and emails has suddenly risen over the course of the last two days, as it's a well known fact that my phone and my computer are the best means to access me when I'm not physically present. Trying to put out fires when I don't feel like fighting causes all sorts of arguments to go on inside my head. I'm sure I would be a real treat to a psycho therapist right now.
So I take my sick self and gather my laundry, which by the way has been piling up for almost three weeks. As I'm cramming it all into my bags to take it to the Laundromat, I'm having this rather animated conversation with myself and I find that I am starting to slam each item of clothing harder and harder into the bag until I'm yelling at it like it could possibly understand what's going on. Realizing how pathetic I have become in that moment, I struggle out the front door of my apartment and throw the bags in my car (stepping in the gutter water in sandals as I step off the curb… so typical). I blared the music as I speed my way over to the laundromat and once I'm there, struggle to carry my big duffle bags of dirty laundry into the Laundromat. At his point I could have been muttering out loud to myself and I wouldn't have even noticed.
I find a few open washers and begin shoving quarters in the machine, adding the feeling of being completely ripped off to an already growing sense of frustration. I happen to glance up at a lady who caught my eye because she's wearing socks with Birkenstock sandals. I remember passing her in the doorway to the Laundromat as I floundered in with all my stuff. Unfortunately, we catch eyes and as I try to look away, she starts talking to me, "You know it's amazing how happy everyone seems here. Everyone walking in with such big smiles on their faces."
Was she serious? Is she joking? I don't even know this woman but I'm pretty positive that I didn't walk in with a smile on my face, which a moment later I realized was her point.
She continued, partially laughing, "I mean you should have seen the look on your face when you walked in here. If I had a camera to capture that."
I tried to gather myself in a moment of embarrassment. I forced out a half smile and a semi-laugh, "Yeah, I guess I'm not too stoked today."
"Yeah, well, no one likes doing laundry." And she walked away.
It's moments like these that just jump up and slap you right across the face. Moments that catch you at your worst and remind you, loud and clear, that it's not about you. I was instantly reminded that as I was festering away inside my head, my very demeanor was affecting those around me – people I didn't even know. Who knows why this lady said what she said or why she chose to say it to me. But as a perfect stranger, she managed to knock me down off my ever growing tower of pride and remind me that there are people around me who need to see more than the scowl on my face.
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