Time management is becoming a difficult issue for me lately, which is odd considering I have always been a fairly organized person. But it is no longer a matter of organization but of priorities. There are simply too many things to do in the amount of time I have in a given day, or week, or what have you. I know that if I want to do well in school, I need to spend time on it every day, totaling at least ten hours each week. I start to compromise that in the face of other things I deem as priority as I go along. Soon enough, everything has been labeled a priority and nothing is ever given my full attention.
I consider myself a passionate person. If I am going to do something, I want to do it with all that I am and all that I have. I am not satisfied with doing just enough; I throw my whole self into it. That isn't possible though when everything I do is fighting for first place in my life and time runs shorter than my to-do list.
In thinking about what should really take priority in my life, I was reminded of my resolutions from last year:
This year I resolve ...
... to laugh as hard and as often as I can, until it becomes contagious.... to brighten someone's day, every day.... to cry as hard and as long as it takes to walk through the pain, into a better day.... to smile all the time, just because I can.... to have fun in every circumstance and situation.... to love in every way possible, and then some.... to walk through the mountains and valleys of life with my best friends, carrying their burdens as they carry mine.... to leave a legacy for my family of a compassion and strength that can only come from God alone.... to display my life for the world to see; learning from my mistakes, accepting help in my struggles, and celebrating my successes.... this year I choose to be happy.
The last line is a clincher, "This year I choose to be happy." I don't usually like to say this, but just this once, it really is about me. Much of my life has been driven by what other people expect or ask or demand of me. The way I schedule my time, the activities I do, the places I go, are all dictated by something outside of me. It is at that point when each day slips from being a joy to being a burden and happiness evades my soul to suddenly.
Last year I took that happiness back and, as selfish as it may sound; I made my life about me. The irony is that in gaining control of my own life, I was then free to give it away – to pour it into someone else, to pour it into the things I am passionate about. I admit, it is a natural tendency of mine to slide into the role of compliance. Yet standing on my resolve was the best thing I have done with my life and last year was one of the greatest. It was a year of trial, a time of testing and not always did I remain strong, but I learned and grew and continued. It was a year of renewing my joy for life and finding myself again, becoming reacquainted with my heart's desires and passions – a great awakening.
Today, as I find myself struggling with cramming everything into a single day, I am reminded to stand on my resolve and purposefully evade the role of compliance. What do I really want to do? What am I passionate about? In ten years, what will I regret not doing today? These are the things I hold as priorities, and I resolve to hold them high.
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